Where Are The Men?, By Bámidélé Adémólá-Olátéjú
Deficient masculinity will invariably render Nigeria and indeed the world impotent in the face of the ensuing political and cultural chaos… We must not yield to dangerous impulses and the constant pressure of radical feminists who want men to surrender their manhood to women who hunger for it.
Is Nigeria walking the path of the West by losing appreciation of all that is male? We must be careful of our choices and what we embrace from Western culture. The West have their ways of dealing with issues and they can easily solve pressing sociological issues in less than a generation. We don’t have the learning culture, the research base that exposes problems early and the think tanks whose job is to fashion practical solutions and define policy. In the post-modern West, males have been made redundant. Since the breaking of the iron triangle of sex, marriage and childbearing with the use of contraceptives and increasing financial independence as women advance in education and the workplace; women proclaim, they no longer need men as a provider, protector or father of their children. Advances in assisted reproductive technologies, has made pregnancy without sexual intercourse possible through anonymous sperm donors who can do the job of creating a baby with an equally unknown woman if she so desires.
Ultimately, there is a reason in nature for the X and Y chromosomes. It is bad for humanity to actively engage in blunting gender roles. I am a woman! A proud woman! I affirm that there should be no gender discrimination and I support female gender-based affirmative action. However, we must not seek to replace men or make women of men. In the last decade, I have observed mothers, especially in the middle and upper middle class, raising their sons to be women, inculcating in them, feminine values like sensitivity, accepting responsibility for household chores, effusive caring, emotional freelancing and bending to every wish of the woman. In another decade, Nigeria will be awash with a generation of soft, insecure men, who are out of touch with their masculine identity and strength. Already, we are seeing married men who abdicate their role as fathers, men who will not pay school fees, rent and do not provide for their families. On the streets, we are seeing an army of young men who want to live off women and constituting a general nuisance.
I fully support women taking leadership roles in politics and at work. However, as a thinker and public intellectual, it is my duty to point out developing problems that may and can affect us a generation from now or in generations to come.
The place to start is the school system, especially early childhood education. Increasingly, teachers are overwhelmingly women. It is worse in private schools where the fear of pedophilia is quite irrational. I have seen schools without a single male teacher. In these schools, boys are indoctrinated to become like girls. Competition is de-emphasised. What is emphasised is “everybody is a winner”. I know what competition did for me as a child and what it breeds in a boy. Promoting the feminine “everybody is a winner” is a great way to breed a generation of losers. Traditionally, what transforms boys to men is that they compete, play rough and get hurt. By so doing they learn fortitude, forbearance, chilvary, courage, resolve, self-sacrifice, justice, temperance, self-reliance, self-discipline, honour and perseverance. These are traits and behaviours that must be cultivated in boys for them to become men that lead in the society and in their homes.
Our society is still very patriachal and I understand and appreciate the problems we face as girls and women in this country. I fully support women taking leadership roles in politics and at work. However, as a thinker and public intellectual, it is my duty to point out developing problems that may and can affect us a generation from now or in generations to come. I am uncomfortable with men not conducting themselves as men with regards to their roles as the head of households. I am concerned by the increasing number of metrosexuals who spend longer hours at the salons than women. I am worried seeing men who pluck eyebrows, wax away body hair, use nail polish, spend hours having pedicures and manicures. I’m not an advocate for the caveman, but men must not be obsessed with looking as pretty as their wives.
We must not distrupt nature by rendering the male gender irrelevant. Each gender is designed to be flawed by nature. Actually, human nature by itself is deeply flawed. That is why men need women and women need men. Both genders are designed as complimentary.
There is a reason why we have so few matriarchal societies on earth. No martriarchy has survived to become a great, long-lasting civilisation. We must maintain strong family values and promote the union of a man and a woman as the basis of lasting families. We must promote marriage between husband and wife. Traditional marriage must not die in our society. Preferring effeminate, girlie-men will accelerate the death of our society and the death of civilisation. I urge my fellow women to stop and think! We will phase out men when we think of them as sperm donors, chumps, absentee and deadbeat dads. We must not distrupt nature by rendering the male gender irrelevant. Each gender is designed to be flawed by nature. Actually, human nature by itself is deeply flawed. That is why men need women and women need men. Both genders are designed as complimentary.
Deficient masculinity will invariably render Nigeria and indeed the world impotent in the face of the ensuing political and cultural chaos. The feminist war on masculinity might one day prove to be the underlying cause of the weakness of European culture. My fellow women must save humanity by stopping the relentless feminist war on masculinity. Women should remain women and let men be men. It is unhealthy and dangerous for humanity, if women are programmed to see men as the enemy. We must not yield to dangerous impulses and the constant pressure of radical feminists who want men to surrender their manhood to women who hunger for it.
Bámidélé Adémólá-Olátéjú a farmer, youth advocate and political analyst writes this weekly column, “Bamidele Upfront” for the PREMIUM TIMES. Follow me on Twitter @olufunmilayo