Go happy treasure hunting in Nigeria, the massive cemetery of currencies buried by very greedy, stupid, selfish and ruthless rogues who irresponsibly loot the people’s patrimony while the nation degenerates and millions of citizens die of malnutrition, poverty, avoidable diseases, stress, joblessness, accidents on death trap roads and lack of clean water and health care centers. My view? We have completely lost it as a country.
Nigeria is very unique. It is the one country in the world where unofficial banks far outnumber the official banks registered by the country’s Central Bank. These unusual financial institutions are often large subterranean banks, with vaults overflowing in top world currencies with value in billions of dollars, buried deep in the warm bowels of Mother Earth.
But few people know of these subterranean financial institutions because they are not only unregistered, they execute only one banking function; to take deposits, valued in billions, in top world currencies, from only one customer; their owners. They are also mostly tucked away in shrouded, obscure and hidden underground sites around the country.
It is believed that the owners of some of the banks are dead and the maps to locations where they are buried are lost as they, often, are scribbled in indecipherable inscriptions.
It is also thought that many owners, though living, have grown senile, are on their death beds or have just simply completely forgotten where they buried their banks’ head offices and several branches. Generally, few are the banks’ proprietors, who will lay claim, except on the pain of death, to these underground financial institutions, if and when they are discovered or uncovered in public.
With thousands of these subterranean financial institutions and their overloaded vaults dotting the country’s landscape, Nigeria is the ultimate veritable treasure island. So if you have the penchant for treasure hunting, this is the country to be. All you need to become billionaire in quick turn is sophisticated equipment with cutting edge technology, even space satellites, for sensing deeply buried currencies.
Even if you are just a poor, analog treasure hunter, do come with great determination, shovels and hoes to dig large tracts of land for fortune. You want to be a billionaire? Join the fun. Come to prospect or dig for massive currency treasures in vaults lost or unlikely to be claimed by their rogue owners.
But with no maps or guide to the treasures, you will definitely need some clues to make the hunt easier. Here it goes: You must quickly target and focus on politicians, senior government officials, top civil servants, even middle level civil servants, board members and top management of government parastatals and agencies, in particular the revenue collecting ones like the NIgerian National Petroleum Corporation, Customs and Exercise, Nigeria Ports Authority and the tax agencies.
Secretly visit the tomb on a dark rainy day and break down the bloody damn thing and dig furiously like a rabbit. You are likely to end up with joyful mounds of pure unadulterated, mint new dollars, pounds and euro; enough to buy Donald Trump. My friend, you don hammer.
Add the top brass of the Army, Police, State Security Service, Department of State Services, Economic and Financial Crime Commission and even the Prisons. Then turn your flashlight on the CEOs, boards members and top management of the officially recognised banks, including the Central Bank of Nigeria itself. It is same for big conglomerates and multinationals.
You simply must not miss the CEOs and senior management of oil producing and servicing companies, not the least the owners of oil blocks in the oil industry. Do not ignore, either, the wealthy deal-men importing petroleum products and duping the nation of billions.
Aha! The super contractors in the public sector are in a special class; they are the contract inflators, the contract variation masters, the front men for crooks in the presidency, for ministers, civil servants and members of the legislature who collect no less than 80 percent of all public contracts in the country and either do nothing or deliver substandard projects.
Follow them diligently for they go incognito and venture solitary visits to their underground banks, which is usually once in a quarter or even once a year to deposit heaped up loot. They trust nobody. Not their wives, children, relatives or friends. Nobody. You must be diligent. Very rarely do they let in one or two people into their secret, often tight cronies and partners in crime, with whom they do everything; steal, eat, drink and travel together.
Watch those close friends. They are usually greedy and envious of their wealthier friends and often grumble about their own financial needs – usually expensive luxuries they can ill afford as they often go broke from popping champagne, guzzling top end brandy and flying lady friends in private jets to wild parties in the major cities across the world. With little prompting, promise of a good slice of the loot or when they are drunk, which is almost every hour, they betray their friends and sing like canaries. They are great sources of treasure hunting clues.
Tombs built while the owners are yet alive are clues for sites of subterranean banks in Nigeria. If you ever see any of the suspected buried banks’ owners build massive, gleaming, sepulcher for himself, while alive, know that you are on to the scent of the prey. Secretly visit the tomb on a dark rainy day and break down the bloody damn thing and dig furiously like a rabbit. You are likely to end up with joyful mounds of pure unadulterated, mint new dollars, pounds and euro; enough to buy Donald Trump. My friend, you don hammer. Not in your widest imagination would you have guessed how wealthy, how filthy wealthy, these guys are, in a country where 80 percent of citizens are church rat poor.
There could be millions of sites. And that is conservatively speaking. Looting is such a strong culture and so pervasive in Nigeria. What is not transferred to private foreign bank accounts or invested in foreign asset, is often buried in private subterranean bank vaults.
Another clue is to follow investigating security officers who seem to pay frequent, uninvited visits to large mansions of politicians and other such suspects. If the officers keep coming out of the politician or chief executive’s house with wide smiles and Ghana-must-go bags in their car boot, you are on to something. The bank is in that compound. Whenever the owner and his family go on vacations, which is often, to the Bahamas or other exotic islands, get into the compound and dig it up. And there, right before your muddy, sweaty hands and face, might be the magical, sweet scent of millions of dollars and other currencies. You can afford to leave the sickly naira behind. The way it is going that currency might soon be worthless paper.
Just a little advice on business strategy for a successful treasure hunt. The big winners in the hunt ought to be those with cutting edge equipment or satellite imaging tools. Those guys can locate hundreds of the banks in minutes. But they still need to dig. So for the analog fellows, fret not, you can be the subcontractor digger to the digital fellow. Don’t be greedy. Draw up partnerships. There is so much business for all comers as lots of subterranean banks with overflowing vaults are buried all over the country. There could be millions of sites. And that is conservatively speaking. Looting is such a strong culture and so pervasive in Nigeria. What is not transferred to private foreign bank accounts or invested in foreign asset, is often buried in private subterranean bank vaults.
Remember also, that security officers are also consistently on the hunt for the subterranean banks, ostensibly to arrest and prosecute their owners, the greedy crooks in high places. So move fast and collect your treasure before the security agents happen on to it.
If in doubt, ask Andrew Yakubu, former Group Managing Director (GMD) of the NNPC. A possible branch of one of his subterranean banks, not even the head office I believe, was recently busted by security agents right inside his compound, l hear. Guess the trove of hard, neat currencies reportedly found in the vault: $8.9 million and £74,000. You see what I mean? Question is: From where did he get the money? Direct looting from NNPC coffers or inflated contract splitting or gifts from Santa. It will be interesting to know.
But that is not your business. You are on to treasure hunting. So imagine you had discovered and cracked the Yakubu’s branch vault before the security agents closed in. You could have been toasting with friends now. So folks, get cracking. My last word for all treasure hunters. Just stay safe and good luck in your search.
Go happy treasure hunting in Nigeria, the massive cemetery of currencies buried by very greedy, stupid, selfish and ruthless rogues who irresponsibly loot the people’s patrimony while the nation degenerates and millions of citizens die of malnutrition, poverty, avoidable diseases, stress, joblessness, accidents on death trap roads and lack of clean water and health care centers. My view? We have completely lost it as a country.
Ken Tadaferua is a media and marketing communications consultant. Twitter: @ktadaferua
