Rochas Okorocha

Come on, people, let’s celebrate a man for once. Hopefully, the Nobel committee is taking note. I know what his sister is thinking, if she were still the deputy chief of staff, she would commission the statue of Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Phillip, Prince Charles and Prince William! That way Okorocha may just become another prophet derided in his own homeland but recognised in the Queen’s land as a knight!


You cannot please Nigerians. Trying will only earn you a room in a psychiatric ward. During one electoral cycle, they couldn’t wait to tell their shoeless tale. Then they got bored and composed poems about change. Heavens knows what they’re thinking now.

Any great Nigerian leader knows that the mark of true leadership is not only knowing better that his people but also showing them that he knows. He knows what is good for them. It’s like a father knowing his toddler, which is why everyone around the governor or president calls him “our father”. I sometimes wonder why they don’t call ministers “our uncle” or “our aunty”.

It’s absolutely insane when people complain of hunger and petrol queues. It’s there in the Bible – man shall not live by bread alone. Our leaders know God didn’t intend for the common folks to drive cars. They know because in the holy books, folks rode horses and donkeys! When there’s a donkey-queue, then we have a crisis!

Sometimes, the best thing for His Excellency to do is erect statues of foreign leaders, especially those with no honour in their own lands. Better yet, put up statues of foreign leaders who are busy killing your people. That way, Nigerians may look at those statues and see how lucky they are. You see, you didn’t know there was a lesson in those statues did you?

It is why I feel someone should forget about crowning anyone Man of the Year in 2017. Let’s just do the Man of the decade award right now. I’m jamming my big, fat thumb on a ballot for Owelle Rochas Anayo Okorocha, the man who God sent to deliver Imo State (and soon Nigeria since he dreams of his eight years in the Aso Villa) from their river of wahala. If you don’t believe me, ask his pastor.

All those complaining about this once-in-a-lifetime appointment are either jealous or have no sisters. What manner of man will say no to his sister? Have you ever had a nagging sister? And, why can’t a man dash his loving sister a post? Who else should he dash a post? Your sister? Are we no longer Nigerians? Isn’t it in our traditional vocabulary that blood is thicker than water?


Now this genius of a public servant has outdone himself in executive ingenuity. He has created a ministry of Happiness and Couples’ Fulfillment! Anyone who doesn’t believe this is an insanely brilliant idea needs God in his/her life. His Excellency looked at the people of his state, realised that happiness is the root of all that is good and when oga and madam are happy in the bedroom, the state will transform into Dubai. And, who best to trust to make that happen than your baby sister!
Ogechi Ololo
If you’re hungry, deprived, moody or just want to get something off your chest, you know where to go. If your man is hopping from bed to bed, the poor wife knows where to go. If that little irritant called syphilis is affecting your performance in the bedroom, you know where to go. If oga has stopped performing at premium level, you know where you can get a handful of Viagra. The longest line in Imo State should lead to the office of Ogechi Ololo.

All those complaining about this once-in-a-lifetime appointment are either jealous or have no sisters. What manner of man will say no to his sister? Have you ever had a nagging sister? And, why can’t a man dash his loving sister a post? Who else should he dash a post? Your sister? Are we no longer Nigerians? Isn’t it in our traditional vocabulary that blood is thicker than water?

It’s particularly unfair on the young honourable commissioner who, until her brother decided to shine more light on her, perhaps with an eye to the governor’s seat, had been doing a yeo-woman’s job as the deputy chief of staff, with domestic and international matters as portfolios. Let that sink in for a moment. A governor’s job is basically domestic but his sister is advising him on both his job and the job that is not his. Now you understand where the idea for the Statues came from. Anyone with such fertile brain is being wasted as a commissioner. But, it’s her genealogical fate that she had to be the younger sister so, she must make people happy and increase activities in the bedroom of all Imo people, while she bids her time.

I’m going to go into a corner and weep at a yeye destiny that robbed me of a brother who is the president. Imagine if my brother was president. I would be the minister for enjoyment. I could live large and the EFCC will never bother me. I’m just doing my job. Thanks to my brother.


I like the honourable commissioner already. I love the fact that as commissioner for happiness, she takes her post so seriously. Within hours of her appointment, she was on Twitter doing her job. Some were jabs, some were upper cuts and many of them would bring tears to the eyes of my English teacher in high school.

Who really is against happiness? And, what’s wrong with appointing a commissioner for that? Everyone complains about food, water, education and petrol but what they really want is happiness. Okorocha knows that and has appointed someone he trusts to be in charge of it. His blood sister!

foraminifera

Come on, people, let’s celebrate a man for once. Hopefully, the Nobel committee is taking note. I know what his sister is thinking, if she were still the deputy chief of staff, she would commission the statue of Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Phillip, Prince Charles and Prince William! That way Okorocha may just become another prophet derided in his own homeland but recognised in the Queen’s land as a knight!

I’m going to go into a corner and weep at a yeye destiny that robbed me of a brother who is the president. Imagine if my brother was president. I would be the minister for enjoyment. I could live large and the EFCC will never bother me. I’m just doing my job. Thanks to my brother.

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