Staving Off Regret By Marrying A Righteous And Pious Woman, By Murtadha Gusau
Allah Himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur’an, and in the Hadiths there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
Dear brothers and sisters! It was narrated from Abdullah Ibn Amr that the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said:
“This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” [Narrated by Muslim]
And Ibn Majah, with the wording:
“Indeed, this world is no more than temporary joys, and there is no temporary joy of this world that is better than a righteous wife.”
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“Women may be married for four things: for their wealth, for their lineage, for their beauty and for their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” [Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim]
My respected people! When marriage is spoken of during these “modern” times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that “perfect” companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man, rather than a blessing and delightful experience. When living in a free, perverted and corrupt modern society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, in the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) echoes on, when he said:
“O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality…”
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (Peace be upon him) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.
Dear servant of Allah! Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, for her status, for her beauty, and for her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed.”
This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. True, beauty and charm are hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and piety. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway. In another Hadith, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.”
Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman!! This point has been stressed many times by the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, he mentioned a pious woman.
Once the following Qur’anic verse was revealed:
“They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard.” [Al-Taubah: 34-35]
Umar (RA) has been quoted to say that, when this verse was revealed, he approached the Prophet (Peace be upon him), submitting that the verse weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahabah (Prophet’s Companions). The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) replied that:
“The best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husband’s property when he is away.”
Abu Bakr once asked the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) what the best thing to be treasured was, and he (Peace be upon him) replied:
“The tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds.”
Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.
Alright, you say, you’ve convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah Himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur’an, and in the Hadiths there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman. The following are some verses on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities:
“And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity.” [An-Nur:26]
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard.” [An-Nisa:34]
“It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel and fast…” [Al-Tahrim: 5]
And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose of the following attributes:
1. A Muslim woman;
2. A devout woman;
3. A believing woman;
4. A true woman;
5. A woman who is patient and constant;
6. A woman who humbles herself;
7. A woman who gives charity;
8. A woman who fasts and denies herself;
9. A woman who guards her chastity;
10. Woman who engages much in Allah’s praise (Zikr).
Dear brothers and sisters! Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities:
“O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down.” [Ali-Imran: 43]
Another was the wife of Pharaoh (Fir’aun):
“And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Fir’aun (Pharaoh): behold she said: ‘O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to you, a mansion in the Garden.'” [Al-Tahrim: 11]
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab. She said:
“(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah’s Messenger (Peace be upon him), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more Allah-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her.”
Ah, you think, but you’ll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn’t exist, yet:
“if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” [An-Nisa: 19]
Remember that you are not perfect either.
Dear brothers and sisters! To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In Surah Nisa, Allah asks the believing women that:
“They should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments…”
And also that:
“They should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments.” [An-Nur: 31]
If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty, as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirty, unconcerned about revealing clothes, and who freely converses with males – keep far, far away. I’m sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other “just good friends.” Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time, etc. Look for her strong points, and don’t stress on her weak ones. Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and un-Islamic), yet, my dear brother, no one knows her heart and intentions, no one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.
Beloved servants of Allah! We are choosing our wife for her permanent values: namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character, etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge. Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah. It is related on the authority of Jabir Ibn Abdullah that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special Du’a (known as an Istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said:
“When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two Raka’ahs (units) of nafilah prayer and read the Du’a (Du’a of Istikharah).”
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this Du’a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn’t we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him. Many wrong notions exist concerning Istikharah. Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn’t that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the carer of your children. Don’t marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us:
“For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them.” [Al-A’raf: 189]
Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say:
“Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous.” [Al-Furqan: 74]
I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us. Allah Almighty says:
“Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him.” [Al-Imran: 159]
May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.
“When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way.” [Al-Baqarah: 186]
May Allah be praised and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Messenger Muhammad and upon his family and Companions.
With this I conclude my sermon and ask Allah, the Almighty and the sublime, to forgive all of our sins. So seek his forgiveness, He is All-forgiving, Most-Merciful.
Murtadha Muhammad Gusau is the Chief Imam of Nagazi-Uvete Jumu’ah and the late Alhaji Abdur-Rahman Okene’s Mosques, Okene, Kogi State, Nigeria. He can be reached via: firstname.lastname@example.org or +2348038289761.
This Jumu’ah Khutbah (Friday Sermon) was prepared for delivery today Friday, Dhul-Qa’adah 16, 1440 AH (July 19, 2019).