They go from asking me not to sit in front of the bus; how I should not eat gizzard because it’s meant for the man…; how I travel too much for a woman; how I am too ambitious; to how I cannot live in a house of my choice because the house can only be leased to married people.
I was one word short of screaming and asking him to stop spewing nonsense.
“Are you married?” “Are you from the North or South?” “What part of the South are you from?”
My name is Chukwuamaka. I could not have asked for a better name.
Being female in Nigeria is becoming increasingly difficult as the days go by.
If some man is not breathing down your neck, another is trying to ‘put’ you in your place.
Just before you say MISANDRY, ask how many men have been ‘put’ in their place or denied anything because of the gender they belong to or identify as.
Everyday of my life as a young woman walking through different paths, I have had to deal with one funny but annoying male or the other who believes it is his God given mission to ‘put’ a woman in her place.
When you hear that Nigeria hates its women, look not far… It is happening right under your nose, and you are probably an enabler yourself.
There are the great men, of course, whose goodness and beautiful wings I have flown on and I am still flying on; but the bad eggs really are loud.
They go from asking me not to sit in front of the bus; how I should not eat gizzard because it’s meant for the man (well, my dad always gives his gizzard away, especially to me); how I travel too much for a woman; how I am too ambitious; to how I cannot live in a house of my choice because the house can only be leased to married people.
Being an unmarried woman in Nigeria is almost becoming like a plague. It is next to eating with the devil.
Does being unmarried make a woman less human than others? Why not the same attitude to her male counterpart?
When you hear that Nigeria hates its women, look not far… It is happening right under your nose, and you are probably an enabler yourself.
“A woman cannot be this or that”, might be one of your subconscious or even conscious assertions.
How much we have enabled the patriarchal disposition that some things are ‘unacceptable’ only because a woman is or women are in the picture!
A man seems by ‘right’ the owner of the world and everything in it, including the woman, and therefore decides what rights or privileges she is entitled to.
We need to shut down the patriarchal overreach and grow a society that enables all and not a society that enables some.
“This vacancy is reserved ONLY for married women”, I was told recently! And I was like seriously? How come?
How does one’s marital status affect her capabilities?
Society appears to accord a woman so much respect when people think she is married, but as soon as they realise she is not, it is like being hit in the head by a hard missile… And then that swift turn around to being unruly and uncouth to her.
A man seems by ‘right’ the owner of the world and everything in it, including the woman, and therefore decides what rights or privileges she is entitled to.
When will women’s affirmation and struggle for their rights be enough to confirm their status as equally stakeholders as men in society?
Or are things ordained in a manner that you are either male or you cease to exist?
Chiamaka Okafor is with the Premium Times Centre for Investigative Journalism (PTCIJ), Abuja.
